A walk in the woods

She didn't say anything to feel the silence, that second by second became more akward: a couple of time she raised her glance from the fire to look at the boy, wondering what he was thinking, and also why he wasn't asking anymore question. Not that she was complaining, but usually everyone would have asked... and even the question would have been better thatn the silence in that moment...

Jim yawned. "I think I will sleep for a little while," he said and looked over at Ping. "You should get some rest as well."

When he talked she looked at him and shaked her head "I-I'm fine..." she was tired actually, but she prefered to not sleep, both because of the dreams that kept hunting her and the fact that it wasn't really safe there: even in the cave she had always to be careful

"Well if that's what you want," Jim said and laid down. He closed his eyes for a while before he opened again and looked at the girl. "If you want, then I can stand guard so you also get a chance to sleep," he suggested. He didn't like that the girl didn't want to sleep at all.

SHe just shaked her head at his question, staring at the fire. No, she prefered in that way, she didn't need to sleep... also, she wasn't sure that the boy would have been a good guard against animals or dangers. "S-sleep and don't worry..." she replied looking at him only for a second

"If you insist," Jim said before he laid down. It didn't take him long to fall asleep.

When the boy fell asleep she looked at him and sighed: she partially wanted to do the same, but she was too scared to have again weird dreams. She had started to sleep only when she was really tired, trying in that way to have a sleep without dreams... but for now, even awake, her mind didn't want to give her peace and memories and thoughts kept hunting her...

When Jim woke up it was still dark outside. He didn't feel tired anymore. He sat up and saw the girl awake.
"Uhm.. 'hey," Jim said, careful not to startle the girl since she seemed caught up in thoughts. "Are you sure you don't want a little nap?"

When he started to wake up she caught his movemente and, for once, she didn't jump in fear when she greeted at her. "morning... " she replied in a low tone. She hadn't slept at all, and she felt a bit dizzy and tired, but still fine. It was still to dark to leave, so it was pointless raise up, so she just stayed where she was

Jim took it as a no when she didn't answer. He stood up and walked closer to the fire before he sat down again. He found a stick and stuck it in to light up the fire a bit. "It gets cold at night, huh?"

When he raised and approached the fire she followed with the glance his movements, and when he sat down he was only a few inches away from her. At his words she nodded, then, looking at him again, she asked "Are you ok?"

"Oh yeah, don't worry about me," Jim said and smiled at her. "What about you?"

"f-fine too..." she replied, trying to smile back to him but it was only the pale imitation of a smile

Jim didn't knw what to say and there was an awkward silence for a long time.
"Did you often sleep outside like then when you were in the army?" he asked eventuall.

She kept just staring at the fire, avoiding to look at him: the silence was already awkward enough. At his question she nodded "Yes... f-for every war, every battle..." she wondered why the boy was interested in it. Not that she actually minded, and in that moment the dizziness had actually made her a bit more willing to talk, but she wondered why he was asking those stuffs and not, instead, what everyone else would have asked: about how a woman had survived in the army...

"Was it difficult being in the army?" he asked, trying to somehow keep a conversation going. "I mean.. with being a girl and such." He said the last part in a low voice as if it wasn't something he should be asking.

And... there you go. He finally asked what she imagined was what he actually wanted to know. She sighed: usually she wouldn't even have bothered herself to reply to cush question, she would have had most likely left, abandoning the cave, no matter it was dark. But it was probably because of the fact that she hadn't sleep and that it made her a little less caring that instead she replied "I don't know... i-i mean, it's not like it was easy but... I've... a-always lived in this w-way... i-it was...just my life... the only one i've ever known..."

"You mean.. you were raised as a man?" Jim asked a little confused, wanting to make sure he had understand her right.

She looked at him for a second before to lower again her glance and nod "Yes..."

Jim looked at her for a while without saying anything. "Why?" he asked eventually in a low voice.

When he asked why she raised her glance again to look at him with a glance that seemed somewhat worried or for some reason guilty. "You really want to know?" she asked undecided

"Uhm well... only if you want to tell me," he said nervously. He was curious, but he didn't want to pressure her.

She sighed and lowered her glance again, remaining in silence. She remained in silence for a while, and it almost seemed like she didn't want to answer to his question, but after a while she suddenly answered, without looking at him "It was my father's decision. He needed an heir, a son, and my mother couldn't have other children. I was his last hope and when I was born... he... he decided that I would have been his son..."

Jim looked down whe nshe didn't say anything. At first he had assumed it meant that she didn't want to answer, which was fair enough. It wasn't his business anyway. He was a bit surprised when she suddenly started talking after the silence. "I see," he said and glaned over to her. "You seem a lot more girl-like now than when I first met you," he said, wondering why that could be.

At his phrase she blushed, hiding her face with the hair and looking down, avoiding to look at him: she seemed really embarassed "It must b-be the h-hair..." she mumbled in reply. She actually still hadn't understood how more feminine she looked now, how different and even nice she was now. She still had problems seeing herself as a woman... even if lately a part of her had started to wish to actually be a woman, but she was still convinced that she would have never seemed really lika a woman: she would have always been just... her. A soldier, not a man, but... not even a woman... not good enough, not good looking enough to actually be a woman...