Lost and alone

Tulio shook his head in frustration with Ping.
"What are you talking about, kid?" he asked as he laid a hand on her shoulder. The kid was rambling so much he couldn't even keep track of half the things she said. He just wanted to calm her down, make her talk to him. Tell him what had happened.
"If you expect me to understand, can you at least begin from the beginning?" he laughed.

Ping sighed and nodded at his words, smiling weakly toward him, then he lowered again his glance and, looking at the grass, he took a moment before to start to talk: he didn't actually know from where to start... how to explain... but he guessed there wasn't a right way to explain it... "I-i wasn't supposed to be a f-female... my f-father needed an heir... i-i told you I have 3 sisters, and m-my mother couldn't have more children a-after me..." she sighed before to continue "He w-wasn't really happy when i b-bore... b-but then he decided that he d-din't c-care, and t-that i w-would have b-been his son, n-no matter my b-b-body... he t-told me that n-nature was w-wrong but that I-I was his s-son... I-i've been raised as a m-male... i-i've been a male for my whole l-life..." she hoped it was clear enough now: talk about it wasn't simple for her, she actually had never talked about it, with anyone, only said a few words to Meg... she kept staring at the grass, waiting for what he would have said...

Tulio smiled weakly when Ping was done, not quite sure what to do or say.
"Now kid, what did I say about that stuttering?" he teased as he laid an arm over Ping's shoulder, pulling her close so he could support her, holding her in his arm. Even if it wasn't much, he hoped it helped.
"Just take a deep breath, ok..?" he asked softer, the way he felt she needed to be talked to.
"What made you want to become female again?" he asked, thinking he just might have known the answer after her behaviour as "Mulan". Still, he wanted to hear it from her, to know he had been right instead of just assuming.

When he pulled her closer holding her, she turned and rested her forehead on his shoulder: she was nervous, and tense, and ashamed, but... he was making her feel better. As he always did. At his question she didn't even had the will to raise her head again so, still in the same position, with the face hidden in his shoulder, she stuttered "I-i... w-when you've s-shown me s-stuffs a-about girls... i-i j-just want- just wanted to k-know ho-how it felt like b-been looked b-by you a-a-as a-a female..." when she finished she bit her lips, and closed her eyes to kept the tears: she was scared, but why then? Suddenly she realized that, more than the idea that Tulio could tell it to someone else, she was scared by the fact to loose him. She had never had him as a lover, but he was her friend, her first and only friend.
She had finished to talk from a few seconds when she moved away from him and kneeled in front of him, forcing herself to look him into his face.
"I-i'm sorry Tulio, i-i really am. C-can't you just f-forget it a-and can't we j-just keep b-being... keep being friends? Please?" she begged him with as much dignity she could, but in the last word she couldn't contain the despair. She didn't want to loose him...

Tulio looked deeply into her eyes as she positioned herself in front of him, staring at him. He wanted badly to kiss her at that moment. Not because he found her particularly more attractive than other girls, nor because he liked her, but because the despair and hurt in her eyes was tearing him apart. It was still Ping after all, and he wanter her to be happy...
But he couldn't. Even if he tried he could not force himself to do so. It was wrong on more than one level, and it was wrong not only to Rose, but also to Ping. It would only lead her on, making her think there was more to them than there was. There would never be more to them than this, and Tulio knew that.
He wanted to kiss her, hug her, stroke her cheek.. anything.. but he kept himself from doing so. It might momentarily help her, but it would only serve her more pain in the future. It was better if she forgot about it. Forgot about him like that.
"When were we ever anything else?" he laughed instead as he messed up her hair and stood up on his feet, brushing his pants for dirt and grass. Only when he was done did he reach down to help Ping stand up herself.

At his reply, when he messed up her hair as always, she couldn't help but smile warmly to him: it ment so much to her have him there, and... somehow... even if she was still embarassed for what had happened, she even felt lighter, now that he knew about her. When he reached down to help her to raise she took his hand and, like him, she brushed her pants before to raise her glance once again toward him and smiling warmly once again. Then she couldn't help but hug him tight: he had been her first real friend, and he still was after all this. She loved him, but... she couldn't love him in any other way then a friend, maybe a brother. Whatever feeling she had felt, she decided she didn't care: she had been confused, it had been just curiosity, nothing more. Tulio was a too special person to her, she didn't want to have weird feelings around him. Yes, it had been only confusion. There were so many things that she wanted to tell him, to thank him to had searched for her, to had stayed for her, to be her friend, but in the end, undoing the hug, she simply managed to say in a smile "I- i'm really happy to have- to have you as my friend, Tulio" and the 'thanks' was clear in her glance

He nodded and smiled, but said nothing more. She was a precious friend to him as well, but it somehow felt different now. Somehow being with her felt as if he was betraying both Rose and Ping at the same time.
Ping because he couldn't give her enough to make her happy. Rose because he had already given Ping too much.
"We should head back, nightfall is coming," he said softly instead, taking her hand and starting to lead her away.