Lost and alone

Ping had run and run, as fast as he could, without stopping neither for a second. He had run toward the temple, to recover his clothes: luckily he had left them not in the temple but just close to it, in a cave tree. He didn't want to face the goddes now, he knew that if she wanted she could reach him everywhere but she just didn't want to let it easier to her.
He didn't know why she had done it, and she didn't even care in that moment. As soon as she reached the tree with her chothes, noticing that Tulio hadn't followed her, she get rid of the skirt and fatsly put on the jacked and the pants, to start immediatly after to run again, leaving there the skirt. She didn't know where to go, what to do… she only knew she couldn't come back.
First Shan Yu, now even Tulio, and Eris… he couldn't face even Meg! He had betrayed her, and his confused feelings didn't help: he felt so guilty toward her, she had been nice, gentle and good, and he… he just had betrayed her…
He kept running for a long time, panting exahusted, until he fell on the floor, rolling on it and scratching his skin. He didn't even know where he was, and he didn't care… if he had had his lance with him, he knew what he would have done. But it was back at his room, or at the temple, he didn't even remember… He slowly raised, with the ankle that hurted again after the falling, and went under a tree, curling up on himself… he felt the horrible sensation to have to cry, but he didn't: even if it almost hurted phisically, he kept his tears…
He raised his glance and looked at the moon…
What was he supposed to do now?

Tulio slowly walked after Ping, not quite sure if he would even find him, or what he would say if he did.
He had walked for a while before he found Ping under a tree crying. Tulio's heart broke just by looking at him.
He stood there, just watching him cry, thinking of what to say. Ping had obviously not seen him yet.
He finally decided there was nothing he could say to him. Nothing he could do to make it better. And so he finally stepped out between the trees, walking up to Ping until he stood right before him, holding out his arm to help Ping up with a smile. The same charming, crooked smile he always used to cheer him up. His trademark-smile.
"It's getting late," he said softly, still keeping his arm out for Ping to take.

He was still curled on himself, he had fighted hard to not cry but he hadn't lasted for long and he had found himself in tears after a short while. He was so foused on his own thoughts that he hadn't listened Tulio arriving, he noticed his presence only when he was already there and talked to him.
He felt a bad chill all over his body, the nausea rise again. He was so ashamed of himself that he didn't even found the braveness to raise his glance, instead, as fast as he could, he raised and moved to ran away. It was a desperate move, and if Tulio wanted he could easily block him, but he had to try: he wasn't ready to face Tulio, he would probably never been...

Tulio quickly grabbed Ping's wrist, keeping him from running away. After all of that, he still could not see Ping for anything but Ping. Anything but a man. A kid. His friend. And he knew no matter what he needed to cheer him up.
"Now where are you going?" he laughed. He didn't feel like laughing, or smiling, but this was not about Tulio now. Ping needed him, and this was not the right time to question him. This was the time to be calm and gentle.

He felt new chills over his spine when he grabbed his wrist: he listened him, acting as always when he wanted to cheer him up, being the usual gentle Tulio... but this time was different, for him, it... it couldn't be fixed that easily... he tried to wriggled, turning to try even with the other hand to untie Tulio's grip, but still without rasing his glance, still without looking at him... "Let me go!" he esclaimed with a voice that was more acute and less confident than he wanted it to be

"Ping, stop it!" Tulio said sternly as he dragged the boy back. It wasn't hard, all the crying had worn him out.
Whatever was going on in Ping's mind, however hurt he might be, he desperatly needed to snap out of it. Tulio doubted Ping could even control himself anymore. He had never seen him like this. Honestly he had never seen anyone like this.
"Will you just look at me? I'm trying here!" he said, almost impatiently, but only to snap Ping out of whatever state he was in.

At Tulio's hard reaction Ping stopped: it was useless keep fighting, and he felt even more ashamed of himself. He ramained still, still taken by Tulio's grip, but he didn't raise his glance: he couldn't look at him in his eyes, just couldn't... why was he here? What was he going to ask him? What was he going to tell him?

Tulio was still confused on whether Ping was a man or a woman. Was he a woman in disguise, or was he a man who had disgused himself to be with him? Either way Tulio knew one thing for sure, it was too obvious to him now.
"Hey.. kid," he said softly, putting his hand on his chin, forcing Ping to look at him.
"It's ok," he smiled, without even knowing if it was true or not. But he knew they could figure it out.

When he rorced him to look at him for a moment his eyes red for the tears were captured by his glance: why was he always so gentle? He had... lied to him... betrayed his trust... he should have been angry... "No, is not..." he replied looking down again, starting to statter fastly "I-i-i'm sorry i-i wasn't sup-pposed to d-do s-something like t-that! I-i... d-d-din't want t-to... t-to d-d-do it, i-it's just..." he sighed: he didn't even know what to tell him now... "j-just... i'm sorry..."

Tulio only laughed, trying to ease the mood.
"I must say, you make quite an attractive female," he joked, but quickly let it fade into a soft smile.
"Look, if you.. I mean.." he started, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, not sure which part he meant.

he was too pale to actually blush at his first phrase, but however he became a little less pale on his cheek. At his question he sighed turning her head: he opened his mouth a couple of times to answer, but he said nothing. He didn't want to lie, not anymore, it was however pointless now... but he didn't even know from where to start... "I-i'ts a long s-story..." he replied in the end. He had alaready told him something, even if really vague, only a few hours before, at the falls, when he still believed he was just Mulan, but now he didn't know if he remembered, nor if he could understand...

Tulio sighed and looked out over the forest. He knew they weren't too far from the tree, but he thought it was best to stay there.
"You know you'll always be that little kid I taught," he smirked, finally looking back to Ping. It was true, even now Tulio could not see him as anything but Ping, his friend. It felt unreal to see him as anything else.
"That wouldn't have changed if I knew," he said softly, finally letting go of Ping to mess up his hair again.

He laughed a bit when he messed up his hair, but it fastly turned into a sob. he felt like he was still lying to him...
He breathed heavily and, in the end, he managed to say "I-i'm...not... a man..." it was hard to tell it even in that way, it was hard to admit it to himself... but... but he couldn't handle the lie anymore, even if he still couldn't consider himself as a woman, he knew he wasn't a man as well...

Tulio nodded, he had thought as much, but he had not voiced his suspicions.
"I know," he stated simply, keeping the weak, crooked smile on his face.
"But you make a really beautiful woman," he said in an attempt at cheering him up, as he reached up pulling the band out of Ping's hair, making him look a lot more female-like. He ran his fingers through her hair as he dropped his hand. It felt so different to touch him now that he was a woman. It felt so.. wrong, in a way. Like a betrayal to Rose.

He opened wide his eyes in surprise and something that seemed like fear when he pulled out the band, letting her hair go down and touching them: she wasn't supposed neither to be a woman! It was wrong, all wrong, everything was wrong! And Tulio could keep saying that everything had a solution but there, for her, there was no solution. She didn't reply, she didn't know what to say, and actually it really seemed like she wanted to run away again

"I told you," he said to calm her down when it seemed she wanted to flee.
"You're beautiful," he continued with a voice so soft it seemed like a whisper.
Maybe he shouldn't have said it, but it was true, she really was. And as long as he did not betray Rose in any way, he saw nothing wrong in telling her. She looked so different now with her hair down and it was hard to see her as his best friend Ping, but instead he saw a beautiful woman. He didn't know which one he prefferred, he only knew which one would make Ping happy in the long run. Which one he needed to encourage.

"I'm not supposed to be beautiful!" she exclaimed looking down again: she opened again her mouth a couple of times without being able to say anything. It was clear she needed to talk, to simply get out of her chest her problems, but she didn't know what to say, how to do it... nor if Tulio would have wanted to listen her... with a sigh she let herself fall on the floor, sitting and curling up on herself again, hiding her face

"Hey, hey, hey," Tulio said in a comforting voice as he kneeled down beside her, pulling her into a tight hug.
He simply held his arms around her, letting her rest her head on his shoulder, not sure what else to do.
"It's ok, stop crying," he said softly as he kissed the top of her head. It was his normal way of comforting women, though he didn't know if it would work as well on Ping. Everything about this situation was so very different.

Even if at the beginning she was took by surprise, in the end she could do nothing but hug him back, tightening him. She couldn't help but cry, hugged to him, her face hiden between is neck and his shoulder: she needed so desperatly a friend, someone to help her in that situation, someone to listen to her, someone to tell her she wasn't so hopeless... she needed him... "t-thanks..." she whispered after a while, starting to recovering.

He let go of her only when he saw she was about to calm down. But now he had to know.
"So.. you love me huh?" he asked, trying to disguise it as a joke as he laughed awkwardly. He had never been hesitant towards women, but with Ping everything felt so different. He had never been as awkward as he was in that moment.

"No!" she exclaimed immediatly in reply turning up your nose and stopping the voices in her head that was telling her that she was lying again: she didn't want to face the truth, at least not this one, she prefered to believe her own lie.
"As i said... it's... a complicated... long story..." she replied moving her head and ending up to look at him, like she was searching for a confirmation: it didn't seem like she didn't want to talk about it, it was more like she was waiting to know if he really wanted to listen to her

"If you say so," he said and shrugged, his voice revealing that he didn't really believe her.
"But it's ok," he laughed, really softly, and winked at her, before messing up her hair again and letting go of her completely.
"You know you can always talk to me," he said softly, with his crooked, charming smile.

She smiled softly when he messed up her hair, and smiled again at hi last phrase, finally looking at him, without turning her glance.
"It's just... i've been a male for my whole life... i just wanted to understand what was like be seen as... as a woman... like... by you..." it didn't actually explained a lot, like why or when she started to dress up as a man, but she was at least starting to talk, and she was calmer, even if she was still talking in a confused way "I-I... just wanted to understand.... to... to feel what is like..." she said it like she needed an excuse for something that was totally wrong, like dressing up as a woman was something totally wrong, because it was, wasn't it?

Tulio nodded as she spoke, trying to take it all in, and though he was a mess of emotions and questions inside he kept his calm for her. He wouldn't let her see how he felt. He didn't even know how he felt himself.
"You kissed me," he stated softly, looking out over the forest instead of at Ping.

From Ping's lips went out something that was in the middle between a sob and a strangled groan, while she hid her face again resting her forehead on her knees.
"I'm sorry..." she repeated, and now he couldn't see it but her cheecks were burning because of the embarass "I'm shouldn't have trusted Eris! I shouldn't have done it... i shouldn't have dressed up as a woman..." she sighed, still hiding her face, repeating again "i'm sorry..."